Why did the chicken and the satan worshiper cross the corn field?

I have a slightly over-active imagination. It has its positives (I'm very rarely bored) and negatives (quite a few sleepless nights and the occasional mild case of hypochondria). Regardless, it makes life interesting.

Let me take you back to one sleepless night that occurred during the summer of 1999...

Two important things to know: That summer, rather than 100 huge and characterless houses, there still was a cornfield behind my parent's house. And the neighbors still had chickens living in their coop. It certainly was far from living in the country, but it was still pretty rural. Most of my friends would get freaked out driving down my road at night. I didn't have any serious issues most of the time, but late at night in bed my over-active imagination would always conjure up men with knives coming to butcher me in my sleep. (Of course they also would conveniently be carrying ladders so they could reach my window. But nonetheless! They were after me!)

So anyway, back to the aforementioned pleasant summer evening of 1999... around 3 AM I was woken by the sudden sound of the neighbors' chickens (for lack of a better term) freaking out. The chickens were being attacked! What could it be? As it continued for several more minutes, my mind began to put the pieces together.

It was so obvious. CLEARLY a group a satanists were preparing for the upcoming new millennium. (Yeh, yeh, I knew technically the millennium didn't change until 2001, but those silly satanists didn't.) So there they were, stealing my neighbors' chickens in order to sacrifice them in the cornfield during one of their wacky satanic rituals honoring the new millennium. It was terrifying! So I turned on my light to help calm my nerves.

Oh God! Bad move! What the hell was I thinking! Now the satanists knew I was awake and was on to their game! So now I couldn't turn out my light because that's when they'd come and get me... so they could sacrifice ME instead of the chickens! Satan and the millennium gods would be so excited about the upgrade from poultry to human flesh!

(My favorite "satanists.")

However, eventually the chickens did quiet down, and I fell asleep.

The next morning when I woke up (still alive and unsacrificed) I went out to explore the corn field to find evidence of the horrible ceremony.

Man, let me tell you, those satanists are really good at covering their trail....